


Harry Potter x Gorillaz AU

by nie_fertig



Category: Gorillaz, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-06-20
Packaged: 2019-05-24 17:43:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14959139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nie_fertig/pseuds/nie_fertig
Summary: My friend gave me the thought: What would happen if Murdoc Niccals was Dumbledore? And that's how this story was born. Everything's the same in Harry Potter, but the green satanist is their headmaster.





	1. Preface

A man with black hair and a messed up nose turned around the corner and met up with a cat sitting near a sign that said 'Privet Drive'. He got a silver cigarette lighter out and lit a cigarette...then, used it to steal all of the lights from the street lamps.

"What're you doing 'ere, McGonagall?" The satanist asked as the cat transformed into a woman with square glasses, her black hair tied back into a bun, and wearing an emerald cloak.

"How did you know it was me?"

"How could I tell it was _not_ you? Where's Hagrid?" Before McGonagall could answer, the sound of engine was heard, and there was Hagrid, landing his flying motorcycle. He stepped out, the man with the cigarette rushing over to Hagrid.

"Well, where is 'e?"

"Right 'ere." Hagrid said, taking a baby wrapped in a blanket out of the back of the motorcycle. He handed him to the man with the messed up nose, who blew cigarette smoke in the baby's face, the baby coughing in return.

"There won't be a wizard who won't know his name...and we're leaving him with Muggles so he can be safe, yet tortured. I'll see him again in eleven years, don't worry." The man dropped the baby off at the Muggle's doorway with a note, but before he could leave, McGonagall said

"The boy's parents just died and you're going to leave him here?!"

"They're the last remaining family he has...and if he grows up like this, he'll have the same nightmare childhood I had and we could connect more so he can eventually save the world." Confused, McGonagall asked

"Niccals, what do you mean-" But Niccals apparated away,

"Augh, that man is so selfish. Why did he become headmaster?!" McGonagall cried, turning towards Hagrid. He shrugged and went back on his motorcycle, leaving the worried Professor.

"Tsk, men."


	2. Eleven Years Later

The first years sat up in the front as the older kids sat in the back of their sorted houses. It was time for the Headmaster to make a speech...and he was fast asleep on his desk. McGonagall shoved her elbow into his side, waking him up.

"Bloody 'ell, woman!"

"Niccals! It's time to give the speech! Or 2D will go up for you!"

"NO!" But it was too late, 2D was up at the podium. He was singing

"People, people, everybody people~ Everybody making a soooOOOoooOOOuund~" The now green-skinned man shoved the blue-haired, black-eyed man out of the way and said

"A'ight, welcome to Hogwarts everyone. I'm Murdoc Niccals, your Headmaster. I had an abusive childhood, got punched in the nose more than once, I hate wearing robes which is why I look like a British metal band member. And I listen to Black Sabbath, yet I'm in an alternative band with this doofus." Murdoc pointed at 2D, who frowned and stormed away,

"Any questions?" A few hands rose up as Murdoc said

"How 'bout just the first years because the rest of you know me." Half of the hands went down as Murdoc pointed to a girl with thick brown hair.

"Professor, you didn't say anything about school or academics. You just talked about yourself."

"How 'bout you?" Murdoc asked, ignoring the girl worried about her education. A boy with short black hair and was a bit round stood up and asked

"Why are you green?"

"It's Niccals the Pickle!" Redheaded twins cried from behind the boy, everyone laughing. Murdoc, frustrated with his nickname, said over the laughter

"Augh, that nickname will never get old. Alright, that's enough. First years, follow your Prefects. Good night."


	3. Murdoc Introducing Himself to Harry

    “Ah, ‘Arry Potter! You came here in one piece! You’re ready!” Murdoc cried while running up to the chosen one. 

    “For what, sir?” 

    “Oh, uh, you’ll see. Anyway, how do you like Hogwarts so far?” 

     “Good...it’s really great.” 

     “Getting away from your horrible aunt and uncle...it’s a good feeling.”

     “Feel good!” 2D cried out of nowhere, startling Murdoc and Harry. 

    “I told you not to come out!” Murdoc cried at the sudden appearance. 

    “McGonagall let us out.” 

   “Augh, that woman! 'Arry, stay here. I got a few words for _McGonagall_.” Murdoc mumbled angrily to himself, leaving a confused Harry. Harry's confusion grew when 2D turned towards him and said

  “Don’t worry, he’s always like that.  I’m 2D. You must be the young boy everyone’s talking about.” 2D shook hands with Harry, smiling brightly. 

  “Yeah, Harry Potter. Tell me, why is your hair blue? Why do you have no eyes? - how are you able to see? And Professor Niccals wants to keep you isolated??” 

  “Uh....sorry - I can't say anything - GET THE COOL SHOESHINE~!" And with that, 2D ran away, leaving a perplexed Harry who just wanted to be back with his friends. Harry even saw Ron and Hermione in the distance, so he moved one step forward and Murdoc immediately apparated right behind him, rage blazing in his eyes. Murdoc startled Harry, so he started _running_. 

  “NO!! GET BACK HERE, CHOSEN ONE!” The green headmaster cried, running after Harry. 

 “YOU NEED TO GET AWAY FROM THE POOR BOY, NICCALS!!” McGonagall cried, who started to hit Murdoc with a broom.

  “NO, YOU BLOODY WOMAN, NO - STOP!!” 

  “Wait - stop - that’s my broomstick!” Oliver Wood, the quidditch captain, cried in pain. Harry ran around the corner and could not be seen anymore.  With fury, Murdoc quickly grabbed the broomstick he was being hit with out of McGonagall’s hands and snapped it in half (Wood started to cry in the background). 

  “You made me lose the chosen one  and you let my band members out - how _dare_ you?!” 

 “We can not let your chaos control the school,  Murdoc !” Murdoc knew he was wasting time, so he cried for his most trustworthy employee. 

 “ARGUS!!” Within no time, a wicked-looking man rushed around the corner to his favorite Hogwarts headmaster. 

  “Yes, Headmaster?”

 “Handle  Minerva for me. I need to find The Gorillaz.” 

  “They’ve escaped, Headmaster?!” 

  “Yes, the dreadful three have. I’ll be back.” The Headmaster grumbled under his breath in anger, trying to find his band members. Eventually, the event ended by he and Argus Filch getting drunk and yelling at students with all their might. Minerva had enough and told the Ministry of Magic everything that Murdoc Niccals has done since he first became Headmaster. Murdoc was to be fired in the next few days. 


	4. The Mirror of Erised

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is my favorite chapter~

Harry sat in front of a mirror he found, staring into it happily. Watching himself being with his happy, healthy parents. It wasn’t long until Murdoc came in and said

  “Ah, you found this piece of trash.” Harry jumped up and saw Murdoc in black boots and underwear. Surprisingly, he didn’t smell like alcohol. 

  “The Mirror of Erised. Makes you see anything you desire most in life. It was this exact mirror where I saw fame and glory for being a musician. A place where I could finally get away from my abusive father, mean school, and wretched life...people have gone mad to get what they want. I simply robbed a keyboard store to get the glorious life I wanted...I bet you see your parents, yes?” Harry nodded awkwardly, not wanting to talk to his alcoholic ex-Headmaster. Murdoc stood in front of the mirror with Harry and said

  “‘Arry, you must know before I leave that you will make your parents proud. So very proud of all you do for Hogwarts. There will be many questions you’ll have in the future about yourself and your quests and I don’t think you want to hear ‘em from me. Visit my good old friend: Albus Dumbledore. He’ll get you ready for the disasters you’ll face in life.” Murdoc handed a piece of paper to Harry that said Dumbledore’s address.

  “Th-Thank you...I guess? Sir-”

 “I’m not your Headmaster anymore. Call me Murdoc.”

  “You’re so much happier and calmer, uh, Murdoc.”

  “Because I get to leave this dump, leave all the screaming children, NEVER BE CALLED A PICKLE AGAIN, HA HA~” 

  “What about the other band members?”

  “That’s another thing - we’re going back into music! Leaving this horrible dimension  forever ! Whoo hoo~! The person that put us here is worse than The Devil himself.”

  “So 2D will be alright?”

  “Ah, I’ll be fine.” A voice, or 2D, said from behind.

  “What the bloody ‘ell - how did you get here?!” 2D shrugged with a smile and said

  “I guess I’m ~magic~”

  “Of course you’re magic, we’re in bloody Hogwarts for crying out loud! Go get packed and get Russel and Noodle ready to leave!” 2D left to fulfill the command.

  “Uh, Murdoc, before you go, what do you see in the Mirror of Erised right now?” Harry asked. Murdoc stared into the mirror and mumbled softly

  “I see nothing. I already have my wonderful music life, beloved by millions, and I actually have...friends, for the first time ever.”

  “What?”

  “I said I see myself as the king of ‘ell with demon chicks by my side. Livin’ the best satanic life~” Murdoc lied to protect his reputation. So, Murdoc Niccals and the rest of the band members said goodbye to Harry Potter and Hogwarts and the author placed them back in their original world.  _ That didn’t turn out so well...ah, well, maybe they’d be better in Lord of the Rings… _

~ The End ~


End file.
